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Perhaps the motives of foreign girls in Rome explain why Italian girls are so diffident of foreign men. White jeans, perfectly pressed shirts, crispy pastel blazers, pocket squares… And they smell fantastic, like they all bathed in a tub of Acqua di Gio. North you always wanted to visit the States and get to know this great land and learn what the people are talking about when they call it the land of freedom, opportunity and diversity, but encountered numerous problems to actually get there. They are more concerned about comfort yet will maybe solo that they are too dressed down. He carries a more expensive handbag than me. Our men are jealous.
The right ambiance helps Recently I was honored when my former Italian professor from F. In the article, I suggest that in , we poor American men are severely handicapped—even totally disqualified—by our post-feminism sensitivities and political-correctness. We open doors, engage in smart conversation, avoid sexual innuendo, and never assume that an invitation for dinner or a drink is any more than just that. Silly us, we thought that our All-American charm and goodwill leftover from World War II would instantly ingratiate us with those belle ragazze. Fuhgeddaboudit Case in point: last summer I met your typical Italian-American goombah at an aperitivo on the Isola one night. Super nice guy; friendly, well-groomed, successful career—the whole meatball. He was in Rome for a few months on a very specific mission: to meet and eventually. I asked him how his quest was going and the sound of his bubble bursting must have been audible from across the piazza. My sympathies went out to him because his plight is a common one. Meanwhile our competition—the smooth-talking, Prada-wearing Italiano—has all the advantages when it comes to both the local girls and female expats. At least it levels the playing field somewhat. So it should be noted that American women have the exact opposite problem. Never before in their lives have they been showered inundated, pummeled with such overt attention from the opposite sex—and most of them are ill-prepared to deal with it. On the first night that they meet! The Italian Dating Scene If these cultural mistranslations occur between Americans and Italians, the situation among two Italians is no less tricky these days. Herein lies the conundrum and perhaps one of many reasons why the birth rate among Italians is among the lowest in the western world. But their homegrown women are becoming much too modern for their tastes and so they might be happier eventually marrying a nice Russian girl who looks good in her high heels and short skirt and behaves herself properly read: submissively as long as the Gucci handbags are gifted with regular frequency. So they return back to the U. And yet… Just doing my part Un miracolo! My central idea for the article was to explore how difficult it can be to discern something as unwritten and subtle as courtship protocols in another country. It worked out OK for me, though. In fact, my Italian wife and I are doing our part to populate the next generation of Italians. Our little bambina will be here any day. Ci hai azzeccato in pieno!!! I am an Italian woman in my late 30s living in Australia. I migrated here 10 years ago, and I must say that I totally agree with you. And the laziness really shocks me: some australian, new zealand or american guys who live here are shamesly capable to come to pick me up for a first date wearing thongs, a tank top and beach shorts, and they look like an ass when I turn up all dolled up and leave them there like a mammalucco just after one drink. An Italian man would NEVER do that!!! I have come to the conclusion that it is not all their fault though. I think that the average Australian girl will give them what they want very quickly, if they are interested in the guy in question. So there is no fun at all… In the end… All men want the same thing everywhere in the world sex but sex for italians is more of a quest, a reward at the end of an erotic, hot flirtatious innuendo… Instead in Australia if you dont give them sex within three dates they might even stop texting you… They are lucky that they are tall and muscular, unlike Italian expats… This is one thing Italian men should learn, to go to the gym more. Lol… Well, thank you! It comes from first hand experience! I do have a LOOONG term Italian partner, we migrated together. But we are a bit libertines, and we like to have fun with others occasionally. That is why I have a comparison. I guess that when searching a sex friend I can overlook the poor pick up style, haha… But I think if I was still in search for a life partner I could not settle for an Aussie, I would definitely have to come back to find an Italian man who goes to the gym lol…. Or a guy who has learned how to play the game! I am loving life in Perth, the ocean, the blue skies, the vast horizons. And since I arrived the food culture has really improved. Take care ;-P After many years as a solo female traveler in just about all regions in Italy, I have to say that in general the most agressive males are Sicilian…and for the most part have no respect for the sanctity of their marriages. Maybe some women are ok with this, but I find it at sad, probably I had a few affairs with men who never revealed their marital status and since it was never obvious, I enjoyed the company of a number of romantic Italian guys. One in particular who I will never forget! Now, I just dont care and am too happy in my own life to seek out any male company for anything but friendship. I finally got around to reading your dating blog. The Roman woman has modernized and liberated herself way past the Italian man whose thinking remains back in the Renaissance. One woman told me her ex-husband never knew what she did for a living. John, I need to interview you for my podcast on this topic!!! My opinion at 35 would say that you can have only one partner in life and of life , the one always ready to share everything with and take care about a woman. Usually narcissistic men are heartbrokers and unable to love. I think a woman can do nothing with it if not realizing to shy away from the danger. It was a cultural comparison, albeit a crude one. Therefore you have to paint broad strokes. Not inappropriate, just inaccurate in my opinion, of course. If I thought it was inappropriate I would have deleted it. I LIKE IT when people disagree with me…but I still stand by my opinions. Not necessarily a comment must be coherent to the topic as the author of the post should. Certain discussions are mere nonsense. Just discovered your blog. Want to ask something and make a comment. Living in the Netherlands, I see mixed race couples all the time, not just in Amsterdam but in the small towns as well. It seems to me that the openness and curiosity that Italians had 40 years ago when I was a student in Rome has disappeared. As an African- American, I felt like a novelty then. Girls would approach me and start conversations because they were curious about where I was from and even guys would hit on me. One of my former teachers, who is 91, says that Romans have indeed changed; they have become more fearful of foreigners because Rome is filled with so many. You could just enter the street, come up to the building and ring the bell. Now there is a gate at the end of the street. I have to buzz you in. You were here in the mid-70s, the beginning of the era of prosperity. Now we are in the age of unemployment. Anyway, perhaps, as an Italian, your wife could add her perspective. Is there much inter-racial dating there? Has Italy become xenophobic? These are great questions, and probably a topic I should address on my blog. In some ways, the Italian version is more honest…meaning that to me, the foreigner, it seems acceptable to openly label someone based on their ethnicity without any ill intentions. In the US, I think political correctness sometimes hides latent racism. Thanks for replying to my comment. For me, as a person of color, racism and xenophobia are very closely related and often indistinguishable. In the Netherlands often Africans and Moroccans are associated with crime, but the Dutch can easily distinguish me, an American, from them and even from the Surinamese. Thus, I am able to go to about in jeans and a T-shirt with no hassles. In Rome, however, I feel I have to be dressed to the nines just to go to the grocery. I miss the Italy of my student days. But to treat people differently based on their race is totally unacceptable. Some of them are heartbreakers, you are right. Of course, I have nothing against Italian men, but I think they are still behind Italian women. Your pics with Jessica and Demetra are simply beautiful. I still have not met a single Italian woman. It seems impossible for a foreign man to meet a native woman. Meanwhile, foreign women meet local men by the dozen. I have lived in several countries -the UK, Argentina, Brazil, Spain and the Netherlands- and always met locals, men as well as women. I am quite sure the article you have in mind will be a success. There must be a zillion articles on foreign women and Italian men, but hardly one single article on the other combination. Also interesting are the Italian-language articles on , a website for Italians where they can discuss strategies to pick up foreign girls. Perhaps the motives of foreign girls in Rome explain why Italian girls are so diffident of foreign men. I used to be a young Roman ragazza of 18 when I met my American husband by the Fontana di Trevi a Roma. An outsider had to be accepted by the entire clicca before the girl would trust him. It would also part of the social protocol game where the girl needs to be seen to be hard to get. I can offer the perspective of an Italian woman living in NYC — and yes, unfortunately American men do come across as a bit bland to us, courtship-wise. Italian women will take initiative, but here in the US men freak out if the girl makes the first step, which is quite amusing, and works out well in the end — it becomes self-selective. Not in a mean way, but it is entertaining. I would also add that Italian women, at present, are significantly LESS interested in marriage than American women, and I am talking about educated, upper-middle class urban American women. And it works out for the best for people who do end up marrying us, because chances are it means we really wanted to marry. Best wishes for your little girl! You have put it better than I could have. Thanks for the wishes for the bambina…she is really a joy and it will be interesting to see which culture she gravitates towards as she gets older. I really enjoyed reading this. I live in New York and I met an Italian man from Torino when I was on the subway. It was in a very romantic way. I kept making eye contact with him and thought he was extremely handsome. Then hours later I saw a friend request from him on Facebook. He wrote my name down and found me on there. He wrote me a beautiful message and left his number but said that he would only be in New York for 2 more days. We met up the next day and I had such an amazing time with him. Now that he is back in Torino he texts me everyday and sends the most beautiful messages and videos. Saying that he feels a spark too and is so happy he met me and that he tells everyone about me. But I am also quite aware of the Italian charm. I am nervous that his messages may be insincere while mine are very sincere. He works for a big italian soccer team and said he might have a week off in September. I am debating flying out to see him because I have always wanted to go to Europe and he is from the town my great grandfather is from so I would love to see it. What are your thoughts. Also I am 23 and he is 28. Wow, what a great story…very romantic! We just never know and putting too much pressure on it up front is the quickest way to sabotage the situation. In bocca al lupo! Ah this brings back memories! I did meet a charming man from Italy, while in San Fran. This nice man was 80 years old…. Cute story if nothing else! Though in general what you say applies to both. Incredible Italian men are as good at playing the part of Casanovas as they are, when similar behavior from us in the States would likely get us slapped! All the Italian men I met adhered faithfully to the stereotypes, but I had many close male friends so I learned how to recognize all the B. However, the game was still a lot of fun and I played it into my 40s when I met my American G. We met through Match. He had took me to an expensive German restaurant that he had scouted out before my arrival. We had a wonderful dinner followed by a very romantic evening drinking wine while he played his guitar and sang to me!! Gotta admit, he totally swept me off my feet. His heritage is all British but I told him that one of his ancestors must have been a Roman soldier! What a GREAT story! Anyway, thanks for sharing…ciao! Very entertaining and interesting read Rick! It was highly amusing to witness the cat calls on the streets. I assumed it was because they already received too much attention and wanted nothing to do with drawing any more. But the reality is that I was dressed like a backpacker bum I guess, haha. Anyways, it all worked out! Good luck to you and your wife on your upcoming baby!! No compliments for me, he loves me for my mind! He is the least romantic, least jealous man I know. Great article though, many of my friends both Italian and ex-pat face the difficulties you describe. Congratulations on your baby news and love to Jessica. I always wondered about the incredible amount of women in their thirties who live with their dog and have no aspiration for marriage or children… When I had my son here in an Italian hospital, I was the youngest mom in the ward. But then again, I am not in dating scene, this is mere observation. AND I think Americans have enough game just by being Americans. Being able to dance, have a minimal tan and have a Spanish accent in Italian is making italian women melt. I think the peruvian invasion is taking over! I am half Peruvian. I lived in Peru for months decades ago. I found the men to be like the best Italian men — polite, educated in the old connotation , and caring. Now if you ask your husband if the perception of all Peruvian men in Peru is that way, you can be assured that their background will be noted. I have also had two Italian boyfriends when I was younger not at the same time and both made me feel special. American men do not exude as warm a personality, even if they may be warm inside.
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